I want to write so many things right now but I can’t seem to find the words. Nothing is flowing, nothing is working. I just need to take a step back before I can take two steps forwards.
I’ve been absent. I will continue to be absent.
I won’t lie, I’m always saying that I’m working on things but I never end up doing anything at all. Everything is left in the idea stage. I have poor time management and school is a priority at the moment – as much as I hate to say that. My schoolwork has to come first. So I need to take a step back.
A few weeks ago I decided to take a break from social media, I temporarily disabled Elysian Haze’s Instagram and it felt good. I logged back on the other day, I thought I was ready but I decided to permanently delete it but not before creating a new one. Why am I like this? It’s there for when I’m ready to take those two steps forwards. I needed a completely fresh start. Same username, but a different mindset behind it all.
When I logged back in I also created an email list for monthly newsletters. If you want to know what’s happening. Shameless self-promotion… Although, it’s only my little sister at the moment.
I feel as though I’m letting you all down, as though I’m a fake and pretty useless while we’re at it. I don’t want to be feeling like that. Hopefully taking a step back will allow to refocus and I don’t know hopefully figure myself out a little bit more.
I want to come back with a bang.
I want to follow through with my ideas.
I need to take that step back first.
I feel alone in all of this, I compare too much, I’m stressed and I’m not happy with who I am. Friends are causing esteem issues and I’m getting too many negative thoughts. I’m behind in school work and I need to catch up. I just need a new life to be honest.
I need to find me again.
I’m such a failure.
I don’t know when I’ll be back.
Let’s hope I can take two steps forwards soon.